Collection of Weird and Bizarre Tombstone Epitaphs Part 3

A collection of weird, bizarre and humorous tombstone epitaphs from all over the world.


A Collection of Bizarre Gravestone Epitaphs

Lorenzo Sabine's one-word epitaph in Eastport, Me.:


Railroad conductor Charles B. Gunn's epitaph in Colorado Springs, Colo.:

Papa--Did you wind your watch?

On Philip Sydney Bennet, who overheard his son-in-law call him "the old nuisance" and ordered this put on his gravestone in East Calais, Vt.:


The Old Nuisance

In a Moultrie, Ga., cemetery:

Here lies the father of twenty-nine.

He would have had more but he didn't have time.

Epitaph in Enosburg Falls, Vt.:

In memory of


Here lies the body of our Anna

Done to death by a banana

It wasn't the fruit that laid her low

But the skin of the thing that made her go.

From Fawley Churchyard, N.H.:

William Mansbridge

Stop, reader, pray and read my fate

What caused my life to terminate

For thieves by night when in my bed

Broke in my house and shot me dead.

From Burlington, Mass.:

Susan Lowder

Here lies the body of Susan Lowder

Who burst while drinking Seidlitz powder;

Called from this world to her heavenly rest

She should have waited till it effervesced.

On Mrs. Althea White, weight 309 lb., from Lee, Mass.:

Open, open wide ye golden gates

That lead to the heavenly shore,

Our father suffered in passing through

And mother weighs much more.

On Jonathan Fiddle from Hartscombe, England:

On the 22nd of June

Jonathan Fiddle

Went out of tune

On a hanged sheep-stealer from Bletchley, Bucks, England:

Here lies the body of Thomas Kemp

Who lived by wool and died by hemp

From Burlington, Middlesex, Mass.:

Beneath this stone

Our baby lies

He neither cries nor hollars;

He lived on Earth just twenty days

And cost us forty dollars.

On William Wilson in Lambeth, London, England:

Here Lieth W. W.

Who never more will

Trouble you, trouble you.

Epitaph from Battersea, London, England:


Gone away

Owin' more

Than he could pay.

Epitaph on a stone raised to four wives, their ashes in four urns that had been overturned in a gale. Kent, England:

Stranger pause

And shed a tear:

For Mary Jane

Lies Buried Here

Mingled in a most

Surprising manner

With Susan, Joy

And portions of Hanna

On a music teacher from Cornwall, England:

Stephen and time

Are now both even:

Stephen beat time

Now time's beat Stephen.

Epitaph from West Grinstead, Sussex, England, on a coroner who hanged himself:

He lived

And Died

By suicide

On a dentist from Edinburgh, Scotland:

Stranger, tread

This ground with gravity:

Dentist Brown is filling

His last cavity.

A Texas undertaker carved the following on the bottom of all his monuments:

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

We bury only the upper crust.

McConnel Funeral Home

This London banker wrote his own epitaph:

Abraham Newland

(Cashier of the Bank of England)

Beneath this stone old Abraham lies;

Nobody laughs, and nobody cries.

Where he has gone, and how he fares,

Nobody knows and nobody cares.

Epitaph in Chattanooga, Tenn.:

I came into this world

Without my consent

And left in the same manner.

From St. Stephen Churchyard, West Putford, England:

Here lies the landlord Tommy Dent

In his last cosy tenement.

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